How I Get Centered After a Toxic Day
We’ve all been victim to toxic work days or toxic relationships, friendships or family members. All too often we write it off as part of life, we normalize that friendship that’s holding us back or that colleague who sucks our energy. We forget that we have a CHOICE because we are so accustomed to putting up with the status quo. But as a wellness worker, I believe the first step in designing our lives is to to recognize when we are in a less than worthy situation. It’s about asking ourselves if we deserve better and then building our actions around that premise. Part of wellness is taking inventory for what we allow into our lives.Sometimes, it isn’t just a relationship, sometimes there are toxicities present that go unnoticed. We need to be detail-oriented when it comes to what filters in, let’s pay attention to things. Recognizing what does not work for us is rooted in self love, it’s a two prong process: you have to love yourself to give a damn about what’s present in your life and then you have to start standing up for your values because it’s the by-product of loving yourself. #MakeItMakeSense! It’s a cycle that can easily spiral away from us if we aren’t acting in line with our core beliefs. Toxicity throughout our day can be seen in many micro situations or may be hidden, here are some examples:
forgetting to use the back support in our chairs at work or sitting forward while driving
not showing up as our best selves on a daily basis until it becomes the norm
waiting for higher ups or authority figures to tell us what to do, i.e. not feeling as though we have a good sense of self or sovereignty to thrive on our own
clenching our jaws, holding tension in our neck + shoulders, sucking in our stomachs
not routing out our errands efficiently, i.e. wasting gas
Toxicity isn’t always a direct human interaction, rather it can culminate from our daily habits, hiding in plain sight! So be aware of the little things as well as the big and make adjustments accordingly. Here are some tips on how I get centered after a toxic day.
spend a Friday night on shadow work: purposely spending time in while everyone is out sends a direct message to our bodies that we are willing to pause for ourselves. it gives us time to digest and mentally detox from what has just occurred. Shadow work is about revealing the unconscious parts of ourselves, it is about uncovering what we try to bury. the best part about this is that you will wake up the next day feeling “emotionally ahead” and ready to take on what’s next.
attend a support group / therapy / a 12 step if you are battling storms that make your life unmanageable: people often ask me how to integrate wellness into their lives and I’m a firm believer that if we have unmet issues within ourselves, we must seek out a solution as we move forward in our wellness journeys. it is totally okay to admit to ourselves when our lives have become unmanageable and only you will know the true answer to that. having a resource and some sort of accountability process, whether that’s a workbook or a program, can make a huge difference in where you will be a year from now, five years from now, etc.
skip the alcohol, try kin euphorics! this is a fun alternative to the shots and beers and cocktails. Kin describes their product as a “nightlife beverage…crafted for clear conversation, conscious connection, and a memorably good time.” they use the hashtag #risewisely and I think it’s a great idea for anyone who would like to indulge without the effects. try it for yourself or gather with a group of friends for a night in and partake in this together! it’s always fun to have drinking buddies but it’s also smart to have sober friends. know where you need to be in life!
begin to practice womb awakening and body awareness: you can read a little bit more on my journey with jade here. it has been such a helpful aspect to my wellness journey. even as a yoga practitioner, there is so much about this world I don’t know. Learning to tap into our feminine power is an essential element to coming into your own as a human being. It has helped me reclaim some of my lost energy and I hope to update you towards the end of 2020 on my progress. womb awakening is great for trauma release and pain management.
build your advisory board: I learned this from Lewis Howes who has a youtube channel where he discusses topics on personal growth, confidence, self-reflection, etc. I show a snippet of this video, Jay Williams: Life is not an Accident, to my police yoga class. In it, they dish on their advisory boards, a group of people, maybe 5 or 6 individuals who you can call upon every quarter to touch base and discuss career or personal development, receive mentorship, or just encourage each other. successful people surround themselves with successful people and that’s a fact. so build your base and formalize it. at the moment I have 3 people! starting an AB is not difficult, I’ve gone to them and said, “hey this is what I’m doing, this where I’m trying to go, will you be on my advisory board to help me along the way? I’d like to keep you in the loop on my progresses, etc.”
stop watching netflix before bedtime, instead wind down by reading: what we put into our minds before bed can have an impact on our subconscious whilst we are asleep. so even if you watch some black mirror before bed, try to take 5 minutes to crack open your reading material (not your phone!) to set your sleep cycle up for success. we say we don’t have time for books, but 5 minutes is plenty! feed your mind.
make a to do list for tomorrow: I love to do this when I am truly exhausted and stressed. I will put everything unimportant on the back burner so as not to overload myself. The to do list acts as my motivation for the next day, but also eases my anxiety about not having completed every task. When it’s written down, I can rest easy. Repeat after me: it will get done when it’s meant to get done!
start a pain journal: I know this may sound unusual but it’s something that I believe can be very helpful, especially for trauma victims or those suffering from anxiety or depression. in this journal or diary, you would essentially write down any negative experiences you’ve ever had or situations that you would like to further explore. it would be a journal purely for triggers, memories, or intrusive thoughts. i suffer from this from time to time, it’s a bit of ptsd for me, so I need a place to just write down what happened. It may also be helpful to write down what you would have said or done in the situation had you been stronger, older, wiser, etc. for me, it’s about my adult self going back in time to protect my inner child. it’s important to filter through these memories so that we can heal from them.
In honor of International Women’s Day, I wish you all an amazing day filled with light and love. I encourage women and men around the world to heal what hurts and to inspire the younger generation to engage in self care. It is so important in today’s world. Be happy, be strong, be loving.
xoxo,
Jasmine
